Privacy Statement

We guarantee that we will respect and protect the absolute privacy of all confidential information entrusted to us, even if you don't read this Privacy Statement. We are certain that our network, and computer hardware and software are perfectly designed and configured so that they could never ever be compromised by a hacker, worm, trojan, or virus, nor by procedural error, and that all data will remain secure even while being transmitted to us in the clear over an insecure, unencrypted link, or if someone leaks or uses a guessable password, unknowingly installs a keystroke logger, and even in the event that our computer and hard drive is physically stolen and all data extracted, and even if we hire one or more third parties at distant locations, who we have never met and know almost nothing about to provide computer and network services. We further certify that no law or regulation could ever result in your confidential information being made available to a third party, even for purposes of law enforcement or national security, and that no person with access to your personally identifiable information could have questionable judgment, nor be sufficiently gullible that they could respond to social engineering, nor be dishonest, not even a little bit, nor subject to bribery or extortion, no matter how large the inducement or the risk to a member of their family. We are confident that we and all future successors in interest will always know exactly what information you consider confidential, despite the passage of time, reorganization of data, memory lapse, and lack of context. To keep our promise, and entirely at our expense, we are prepared to expend an unlimited amount of resources in securing equipment, network, and data, and to maintain a large standing security force of former law enforcement experts and Ph.D. level computer, quantum cryptography, and network security engineers, all of unquestionably reliable expertise, loyalty and integrity, on constant guard 24 hours a day. As a result, you should tell us all your deepest, darkest secrets that could destroy your life if deliberately or accidentally revealed, despite our having no reason whatsoever for needing the said information. We reserve the right to change this privacy policy at any time, without notice to you, or to entrust your private information to anyone rich enough to buy our assets, or even if court ordered liquidation and sale occurs, but that should not dissuade your complete confidence in the security and integrity of our promise of privacy, so there is no reason for you to exercise prudence and good judgment or have even the slightest pause or hesitation in turning over your confidential information, and despite your having no idea of who we are and what our level of expertise, or record of keeping promises might be. This alternative statement of privacy and security policy shall not be included nor form any part of our User Agreement, nor of our privacy policy, but we feel much better knowing that you are now entirely reassured. FAQ

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